Saturday, August 2, 2008

I've never thought about this...

Marina Hyde on "warnings:"

Guardian


She does have a point. I like this bit particularly well:

"...there is so much unsolicited advice on how we should be making other people's journeys more pleasant that our own journey somehow feels much more uniquely unpleasant than it ever was before."


That's true. Regardless of an evidence to the contrary, I am of sound mind. Therefore:

  • I do not need signs on the freeway telling me "Don't Enter - Wrong Way." No shit, Sherlock! Anybody who purposefully drives into oncoming traffic for whatever reason should be taken out and shot. Summarily.
  • I do not need signs in public lavatories informing me that hands must be washed. Good heavens, of course they need to be washed.
  • I also do not need signs in public lavatories advising me to not flush feminine care products. Really?
  • The warnings printed on frozen food containers just infuriate me, too. "Cook before eating." Isn't that obvious? What kind of idiot eats frozen pizza or cold, raw fish sticks?
  • "Not a beverage. Do not drink." It's dishwashing liquid, you know. Sounds just yummy.
  • "Caution: Contents may be hot." I certainly hope my coffee is hot. I didn't order iced coffee, now, did I?
  • Alcohol is flammable, right? Lest we forget: "CAUTION: CONTENTS FLAMMABLE." Sure, I intended to light up while spraying my hair.
  • "WARNING: For External Use Only." Anyone who has ever taken a good look at, or smelled, Absorbine Jr. isn't likely to drink that stuff. Maybe a small child but it would seem that some people can't be trusted to keep bad things out of children's reach.
  • From the pull-off top on a soup can: "WARNING: edges may be sharp." That's beating a dead horse, too. Anyone who has ever opened a can knows those edges are sharp. If I am stupid enough to intentionally run my finger or other parts of my anatomy around the top of an opened can, I deserve whatever pain I inflict on myself.
  • Last escalator I saw had a sign that stated something Like "WARNING: these stairs move1" I don't remember exactly what it said but, gee, who hadn't noticed the steps are going up or down?
  • As for the "Electrocution hazard" warnings on electrical appliances? Anyone over the age of 6 or so who plugs an appliance in and the dunks it in water shouldn't be let out without a keeper.
  • What are propane torches used for? They make fire, right? Warning of "Flammable Gas: Explosion hazard" probably are vital so people don't mistake them for logs and toss them on a campfire.*
Since when did we need the government to look over our shoulders 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the rest of our lives? Do we really need red-light cameras to be able to arrest the occasional rat-fink who runs a red light?

* I concede that this might be a good warning to have and probably the only one on the list that really is necessary.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

think about this dearest mama. this is the same country were some f**ktard will get a hot coffee from McD's, drop it in their lap and then sue McD's because they are an f**ktard.

and then go back for more cash when they sue for eating so much McD's that they are F-A-T.

dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

dragonmom said...

LOL

If I figured out how to be a f**ktard could I sue someone for lots of bucks, too?


Stop the Spying!

About Me

A hobby cook from the Midwest. Experiments, thoughts, new recipes, maybe even a photo or two... You noticed the pouting little girl with the words superimposed over her face? Growing up in the 60s and 70s the refrain of "there are starving children in [insert current poverty-stricken nation] that would love to have such... etc etc etc." I don't know that anyone actually believed all that but the image of a starving foreign child, holding out a bowl in hopes of being gifted with boiled tongue or green tomato pie, was pretty powerful. I do recall the kind of trouble kids would inevitably be in if they dared to say what most of us thought: "Well, then, send this stuff right on over to those poor, starving [insert country] kids." I don't usually post other people's photos, just my own. If you want to borrow or use one of my photos, I would appreciate your asking first. I usually don't mind but do hate having my work attributed to someone else. By the way, I found the photo of that pouting girl on the web with no attribution. If it's yours? We'll deal, ok? Thanks.
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