Some thoughts on rules& (WIP)

In regards to the previous post....

I grew up in a small town where things were not explained, they just were. At each stage of your life there were unspoken societal expectations of every aspect of behavior, right down to personality.

Children were allowed to be children because, after all, they were too young to "know better." That isn't to say there were not absolute standards and expectations in place. There were. Better have mercy on the kid that swore, even something as harmless as "fart." If a kid dared ask about subjects that, by implication, called adult's absolute authority and expectations into question? Might as well kiss your ass goodbye, kid, you're done for.

By the time adolescence was well in sight, the rules, expectations, and behavioral standards were becoming a heavy burden. Manifested in the school dress code, such things as proper and modest apparel, proper application of makeup, proper classes to take, proper demeanor with classmates and faculty, proper "sportsmanship," were all unspoken requirements of small-town society. Not codified, not in written form, but absolute just the same.

For adults, a proper public persona was absolutely vital, especially for those in business.* As long as the persona was preserved, the fiction could be maintained. This was true, in particular, for females.

Women and young women were held to a standard that was well-nigh impossible to achieve without shutting the mind and logical facilities off completely. Things simply were the way they were and it was not necessary to ask why they were that way. The unspoken rules were obeyed for no other reason than they were the rules.

This has always confused me. If there is no good reason for making sure you don't show your knees when you sit down in church, why is the rule in place? Does God care? If showing your knees is disrespectful, who is being disrespected? Your neighbor in the pew? The pastor? The choir? Who? Same thing applies to gloves and hats. It didn't make any sense to me then and makes no sense to me now.

Hard and fast rules of "modesty" were also strictly enforced. No cleavage, no short skirts, no spike heels, no pierced ears, no large jewelry, no flashy hairstyle or colors, no bright red lipstick... (mind you, there were very few expectations of males) I can't say I consider some of that stuff to be in very good taste but that begs the question as to why? Why no cleavage? OK, it offends some female who hasn't got any? It inflames those poor, foolish males beyond rationality? If someone wants to wear bright red lipstick, spike heeled shoes and have 2 inch, painted fingernails, what business is it of anyone else? Just because I don't like how it looks is not a good enough reason to tell someone they aren't suppose to like it themselves. Same thing applies to anyone else who objects. Just because YOU don't like it, for whatever reason and as a general rule you don't actually know why, doesn't mean that person shouldn't do or wear what they want. It isn't as if they are yelling "fire" in a crowded theatre, is it? That old lady from town who wears animal prints, gold mylar, sprayed-on makeup, dyed beehive hair, and all that stuff is certainly free to do that, even though I think she looks like an idiot. That doesn't mean she's wrong, it just means that what I think personally.

There must be some agreement on rules of behavior. It is the only way a society can function. The problem comes when that society goes beyond the main guidelines of public safety and begins the policing of people's personal choices in nonessentials. A responsible adult isn't likely to incite riot just for the hell of it. A responsible adult isn't going to drive like a total madman for his sake as much as every one else's. Closing off options, personal freedoms, in the name of lockstep conformity is one hallmark of a degraded and dying culture. I, for instance, choose not to swear in front of my elders (in most situations,) or in front of minors. That does not mean that I'm going to berate someone who does so.**

I don't know how all the expectations evolved and I don't suppose I ever really will. What I can state, unequivocally, is that it takes many, many years to work through those rules that were ingrained. They are somewhere down there, under the layer of conscious thought. They nag, murmur, and chatter in the quiet places of the mind. "you should wash the windows." "you can't go out in sweats." "ladies don't swear." "the house must always be spotless." "go to church." The list seems to be almost endless. The list also seems to have absolutely no point except that of mindless conformity.



& also called "life's terms of service."
* The "lower classes" (don't yell at me, that was the unspoken label) were not expected to uphold the same standard of public behavior. They could go to bars for hours, dress sloppily, drink or smoke to excess, and nobody expected anything other than that.
** I should clarify that we do have some expectations of words. Himself is famous for dropping the eff-bomb with frequency. He is working on it, though, by his own choice. It really doesn't bother me but he feels, as a personal choice, that he isn't right to use it so frequently. There are some words that carry a heavy emotional weight that we absolutely do not use in any context.