For those of you who don't already know, SS has moved out. His decision entirely. He will be 18 in 3 weeks and we are more relieved that you would believe possible.
The last months have been one charlie foxtrot after another. The situation got so intolerable that his father sat him down Sunday morning and told him that "minimum expectations are not negotiable."
To make a long story short... the kid went into a rage, packed up and left. He will not be coming back, regardless.
We did what we could. No guilt here, folks.
Just relief.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Legal boredoms
Himself and I have to make an appointment with an attorney to update wills, power of attorney, advance directives and all that legal stuff make necessary by the sad state of our society.
Since he is a professional driver and that is one of the most dangerous jobs (according to industry statistics) he is very worried about being incapacitated, or worse, killed, and having his train wreck of a family step in and push me totally out of the decision making process. Then he thinks they could come over here and start stripping the house and taking anything they could get their hands on.
Legally, that is a grey area but, by the time I could muster cops and attorneys and so forth, the Rotten To The Core bunch would have already sold everything or taken it back to whatever hell they came from.
He is also adamant about getting married. He feels that is the final, and possibly only, way we will be able to keep those locusts away from us. I am still hesitant, though. We've been together 14 years and you'd think things wouldn't change just because it's "legal." I'm afraid they will change and for the worse. He doesn't think my fear makes any sense at all. I have to agree with him. It's irrational but real. Just because the first time was a sad and painful experience doesn't mean this would be. Pain is unavoidable and neither of us are perfect, far from it, but we don't have problems that are any worse than most folks.
I am not sure what has moved him to come to these decisions at this particular time, though. I am wondering if he has heard something or knows something he isn't telling me. Not about him or me but something about his family. I do know he was remembering what they did when his grandfather because critically ill, which was go 180 in opposition to the old man's wishes. Perhaps that was the trigger?
If something happened to me, I have every confidence that my kids wouldn't even think about keeping him out of any decisions. Once they got over their initial shock about The Mom taking up with that Wild Man, they have lived with him and have learned to love him regardless of his lunacy.
Decisions, decisions, decisions... makes my head spin.
Since he is a professional driver and that is one of the most dangerous jobs (according to industry statistics) he is very worried about being incapacitated, or worse, killed, and having his train wreck of a family step in and push me totally out of the decision making process. Then he thinks they could come over here and start stripping the house and taking anything they could get their hands on.
Legally, that is a grey area but, by the time I could muster cops and attorneys and so forth, the Rotten To The Core bunch would have already sold everything or taken it back to whatever hell they came from.
He is also adamant about getting married. He feels that is the final, and possibly only, way we will be able to keep those locusts away from us. I am still hesitant, though. We've been together 14 years and you'd think things wouldn't change just because it's "legal." I'm afraid they will change and for the worse. He doesn't think my fear makes any sense at all. I have to agree with him. It's irrational but real. Just because the first time was a sad and painful experience doesn't mean this would be. Pain is unavoidable and neither of us are perfect, far from it, but we don't have problems that are any worse than most folks.
I am not sure what has moved him to come to these decisions at this particular time, though. I am wondering if he has heard something or knows something he isn't telling me. Not about him or me but something about his family. I do know he was remembering what they did when his grandfather because critically ill, which was go 180 in opposition to the old man's wishes. Perhaps that was the trigger?
If something happened to me, I have every confidence that my kids wouldn't even think about keeping him out of any decisions. Once they got over their initial shock about The Mom taking up with that Wild Man, they have lived with him and have learned to love him regardless of his lunacy.
Decisions, decisions, decisions... makes my head spin.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Death
How do we deal with this? Someone who was instrumental in making us who we are? An important piece of our youth.
The pieces of who we are come from our basic self and the influence of those who were there when we were children. Some things, some parts of us, can not be separated from the past.
How do I accept the death of the tall, handle-bar mustachioed man who was always a presence? They are who we are, in some way. They were there, at birth, at the inception of consciousness, not the realization of being, but the realization of a separate person. I am not them. They are not me. They are still part of me.
All those who were around us, neighbors, friends, teachers, relatives... All were part of making us who we are. Our very environment, where we lived, how we lived, also made us who we are.
There is so much more to us, so much more... we are so much more than just our own biological selves. We are all those who were there, for good or bad. All the presences in our lives have made us who we are.
The bagger at the market. The guy on the corner. Even more so, our family.
How much does family influence us? More than we accept, or want. Genes, yes. Other things more powerful than genes? Yes, indeed.
How do we learn to deal with grief? Pain? Rage? Anger? From those around us. Those who were there when we were small are still with us in our responses. Our reactions.
This one, this one who is now gone? Made me laugh. He made a difference in me... a part of me.
Forever.
Rest well, Jerry. I love you still.
The pieces of who we are come from our basic self and the influence of those who were there when we were children. Some things, some parts of us, can not be separated from the past.
How do I accept the death of the tall, handle-bar mustachioed man who was always a presence? They are who we are, in some way. They were there, at birth, at the inception of consciousness, not the realization of being, but the realization of a separate person. I am not them. They are not me. They are still part of me.
All those who were around us, neighbors, friends, teachers, relatives... All were part of making us who we are. Our very environment, where we lived, how we lived, also made us who we are.
There is so much more to us, so much more... we are so much more than just our own biological selves. We are all those who were there, for good or bad. All the presences in our lives have made us who we are.
The bagger at the market. The guy on the corner. Even more so, our family.
How much does family influence us? More than we accept, or want. Genes, yes. Other things more powerful than genes? Yes, indeed.
How do we learn to deal with grief? Pain? Rage? Anger? From those around us. Those who were there when we were small are still with us in our responses. Our reactions.
This one, this one who is now gone? Made me laugh. He made a difference in me... a part of me.
Forever.
Rest well, Jerry. I love you still.
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