For those of you who don't already know, SS has moved out. His decision entirely. He will be 18 in 3 weeks and we are more relieved that you would believe possible.
The last months have been one charlie foxtrot after another. The situation got so intolerable that his father sat him down Sunday morning and told him that "minimum expectations are not negotiable."
To make a long story short... the kid went into a rage, packed up and left. He will not be coming back, regardless.
We did what we could. No guilt here, folks.
Just relief.
Showing posts with label adolescents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adolescents. Show all posts
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Plans
Am not really sure what will be going on this weekend, as of right now. Himself will work tomorrow and it's entirely possible that he will work Sunday, as well. He won't know until this evening at the earliest and tomorrow afternoon is more likely.
He did change the air ram on the truck so he is getting power back. He had been having a hard time getting up to 40 mph. The rigs must be in top shape, with everything working properly, to be able to haul loads of up to 88,000 pounds. It's always a good idea to keep things running right but it's especially vital at this time of year. During harvest, there is no time to be messing about with disabled trucks. He isn't the most patient person in that respect, either. His time OTR shows when he becomes frustrated with guys standing around gabbing at the scales or "putting" down the road, talking on their phones.
I may end up driving the rv to the nearest dump station myself. The thing scares me because it's big and heavy and the steering really needs to be tightened up. Himself has a lot more faith in my ability to drive it than I do, to tell the truth. The tanks need to be dumped and flushed, though, so if he works Sunday... well, it's the Old Lady behind the wheel. Duck and cover!
The next thing will be winterizing it. We had talked about taking it out one last time this weekend, which would have obviated the need for me to do stuff myself, but with nasty head colds we really aren't feeling much like camping anywhere. It's not like going 5 miles would be such a big deal but you know how it goes sometimes.
Last night's supper turned out really, really well. Roast chicken with vegetables and red wine and ratatouille. mmmmmmm Have some chicken left and some of the sauce, too, so I'm set for lunch. Since the chicken weighed around 4 pounds you'd think that there would be enough left on the bones that I could make chicken and noodles or something like that. Not gonna happen. There's barely enough left to pick for my lunch, let alone do something with it.
There is no ratatouille left at all. Not one piece of eggplant, not a whiff of tomato, not a hint of zucchini. Hooray! I got up at 2 am to make a bathroom stop and DS2 was back up here, eating the last little bit. That is a situation I can live with, no leftovers.
For one reason or another, the dog didn't get put in her crate last night. When I opened the door this morning she had pooped and piddled. She had also polished off her allotment of dog food and drank all her water. I suppose that explains the mess. She usually can make it through the night without soiling inside her crate so not being able to do it when she's out makes no sense to me. The only time she has problems is if she has had "people food" with a high fat content, like steak trimming or something. I have some dog blankets out on the deck that need to be washed after the last episode of troubles. Ugh.
I do need to go to the store this afternoon. Had been planning on taking a drive down to my southeast but will not have the time nor gas to do that. It's also more important to make sure we have the makings for lunches and meals than for me to go fiddling around, sightseeing. After paying taxes yesterday I don't have a lot of leeway as far as funds go so will get what I must and pass on the rest.
Two of the inhabitants here need to learn to eat leftovers, too. Their refusal to do so jacks the grocery bill up something fierce. I think they should be glad to have food on the table even if it isn't something they are crazy about. Was hearing complaints a couple of days ago from one of them after being forced to eat chunky peanut butter due to the fact that we were out of creamy. That, in my opinion, is such a HUGE non-issue. So what? It's food, damn it. Eat it and be glad you have it.
Another issue in the food department is the stupidity of not liking anything that doesn't come out of a box produced by Big Food. I simply refuse to buy stuff like those "helper" mixes and Blue Box mac and cheese. It's full of crap that isn't good for anyone. Also, please consult with me about what meal plans are for the week before you start eating stuff out of my staples cupboard. God only knows how many times I have looked in vain for a vital ingredient for a meal and it has been eaten by one person. Or, almost eaten as there are some leftovers in the fridge that won't get eaten because they're leftovers. There isn't enough there to do whatever it was that had been planned for that meal so... it's pirate ingredients from a totally different meal which messes up the whole plan for days at a time. The situation is wasteful, selfish and ridiculous. Get your had out of your ass and THINK!
Still looking for some kind of a job that will pay enough for me to take it. The ones available are 20 miles and more away, pay $7 an hour and that would barely cover gas to get there and back. The one that interested me the most is working in the office at a cop, measuring grain dryness and weight. That would be an enjoyable job even with the normal job-related idiocies that go on. It's a jeans and sweatshirt job, too, so wouldn't need to invest a lot on clothes.
Have been using up coffee beans that I have had for well over a year. Even as old as they are the coffee from the Fench press is still better than the store-bought pre-ground. Switching back and forth from Kona to Costa Rican terrazo. Good stuff. Gotta watch that Kona, though. It's darned strong and gives me the jimjams if I drink more than 2 cups. One day I totally miscalculated the amount of beans and didn't manage to make it through one whole cup before I got the shakes. LOL Coffee doesn't usually do that to me so you can imagine that it was really tough stuff.
Having the same struggles with one of the adolescent males that has been going on for well over a year. Teachers are thinking it's no use scheduling a conference when it's time in 2 weeks because, no matter what is said or done, he will pay absolutely no attention. It's a lose-lose situation for him, though. It frustrates all of us no end to have the responsibility for this kid and have our hands tied by his total lack of understanding. He hasn't learned anything about responsibility or accountability, is unreliable and whines when asked to do anything around here. When he does get herded into working by his father, he spends a lot of time trying to sneak off or texting friends on the phone. Then, when called back there is the inevitable, and regrettable, sniveling about one of the rest of us who "never does anything at all."* Classic attempt at misdirection but it doesn't fly anymore with anyone. He also sees no reason why he should do anything around here. That baffles us to the point of total incomprehension. You're living here, eating our food, we're paying the bills and you don't know WHY you should be helping? Is it any wonder that we have all stepped back, raised our hands and said, "You're on your own, kid. If you are so smart and grown up, go for it..."**
I didn't watch the VP debate last night. By the time it came on I was ready for bed, pretty much asleep on my feet. This business of getting up at 4:45 am is wearing me out and messing up schedules.
Waggywaggy has the leaks, again. She is dripping all over the place so, until I can find her doggy diapers, she's banished outside. Currently, she is out there barking. Woof.......woof........woof. She usually settles down and lays in the sun after a while. This doesn't happen all the time and it's impossible to tell when she will do this. She's totally unaware of it, too. Doc said we could try to get a sample to check for bacteria but how the dickens would I do that? I may try giving her a rimadyl just in case it's due to her lame butt. Now, where are those diapers.....
It has warmed up considerably but is still only 55 degrees. That is good for the drivers and guys out harvesting, though, even if the rest of us must wear sweatshirts.
* This is arrant bullshit as every last one of us works our butts off, day after day after day.
** He's wormed his way out of some really nasty situations in the last month using charm and "gawrsh, ma'am, ah jus dint know." That won't last forever, though. The longer the reckoning takes, the worse it will be. That wall is gonna hurt when you hit it. Just don't come to us expecting a bail-out because we won't do it.
He did change the air ram on the truck so he is getting power back. He had been having a hard time getting up to 40 mph. The rigs must be in top shape, with everything working properly, to be able to haul loads of up to 88,000 pounds. It's always a good idea to keep things running right but it's especially vital at this time of year. During harvest, there is no time to be messing about with disabled trucks. He isn't the most patient person in that respect, either. His time OTR shows when he becomes frustrated with guys standing around gabbing at the scales or "putting" down the road, talking on their phones.
I may end up driving the rv to the nearest dump station myself. The thing scares me because it's big and heavy and the steering really needs to be tightened up. Himself has a lot more faith in my ability to drive it than I do, to tell the truth. The tanks need to be dumped and flushed, though, so if he works Sunday... well, it's the Old Lady behind the wheel. Duck and cover!
The next thing will be winterizing it. We had talked about taking it out one last time this weekend, which would have obviated the need for me to do stuff myself, but with nasty head colds we really aren't feeling much like camping anywhere. It's not like going 5 miles would be such a big deal but you know how it goes sometimes.
Last night's supper turned out really, really well. Roast chicken with vegetables and red wine and ratatouille. mmmmmmm Have some chicken left and some of the sauce, too, so I'm set for lunch. Since the chicken weighed around 4 pounds you'd think that there would be enough left on the bones that I could make chicken and noodles or something like that. Not gonna happen. There's barely enough left to pick for my lunch, let alone do something with it.
There is no ratatouille left at all. Not one piece of eggplant, not a whiff of tomato, not a hint of zucchini. Hooray! I got up at 2 am to make a bathroom stop and DS2 was back up here, eating the last little bit. That is a situation I can live with, no leftovers.
For one reason or another, the dog didn't get put in her crate last night. When I opened the door this morning she had pooped and piddled. She had also polished off her allotment of dog food and drank all her water. I suppose that explains the mess. She usually can make it through the night without soiling inside her crate so not being able to do it when she's out makes no sense to me. The only time she has problems is if she has had "people food" with a high fat content, like steak trimming or something. I have some dog blankets out on the deck that need to be washed after the last episode of troubles. Ugh.
I do need to go to the store this afternoon. Had been planning on taking a drive down to my southeast but will not have the time nor gas to do that. It's also more important to make sure we have the makings for lunches and meals than for me to go fiddling around, sightseeing. After paying taxes yesterday I don't have a lot of leeway as far as funds go so will get what I must and pass on the rest.
Two of the inhabitants here need to learn to eat leftovers, too. Their refusal to do so jacks the grocery bill up something fierce. I think they should be glad to have food on the table even if it isn't something they are crazy about. Was hearing complaints a couple of days ago from one of them after being forced to eat chunky peanut butter due to the fact that we were out of creamy. That, in my opinion, is such a HUGE non-issue. So what? It's food, damn it. Eat it and be glad you have it.
Another issue in the food department is the stupidity of not liking anything that doesn't come out of a box produced by Big Food. I simply refuse to buy stuff like those "helper" mixes and Blue Box mac and cheese. It's full of crap that isn't good for anyone. Also, please consult with me about what meal plans are for the week before you start eating stuff out of my staples cupboard. God only knows how many times I have looked in vain for a vital ingredient for a meal and it has been eaten by one person. Or, almost eaten as there are some leftovers in the fridge that won't get eaten because they're leftovers. There isn't enough there to do whatever it was that had been planned for that meal so... it's pirate ingredients from a totally different meal which messes up the whole plan for days at a time. The situation is wasteful, selfish and ridiculous. Get your had out of your ass and THINK!
Still looking for some kind of a job that will pay enough for me to take it. The ones available are 20 miles and more away, pay $7 an hour and that would barely cover gas to get there and back. The one that interested me the most is working in the office at a cop, measuring grain dryness and weight. That would be an enjoyable job even with the normal job-related idiocies that go on. It's a jeans and sweatshirt job, too, so wouldn't need to invest a lot on clothes.
Have been using up coffee beans that I have had for well over a year. Even as old as they are the coffee from the Fench press is still better than the store-bought pre-ground. Switching back and forth from Kona to Costa Rican terrazo. Good stuff. Gotta watch that Kona, though. It's darned strong and gives me the jimjams if I drink more than 2 cups. One day I totally miscalculated the amount of beans and didn't manage to make it through one whole cup before I got the shakes. LOL Coffee doesn't usually do that to me so you can imagine that it was really tough stuff.
Having the same struggles with one of the adolescent males that has been going on for well over a year. Teachers are thinking it's no use scheduling a conference when it's time in 2 weeks because, no matter what is said or done, he will pay absolutely no attention. It's a lose-lose situation for him, though. It frustrates all of us no end to have the responsibility for this kid and have our hands tied by his total lack of understanding. He hasn't learned anything about responsibility or accountability, is unreliable and whines when asked to do anything around here. When he does get herded into working by his father, he spends a lot of time trying to sneak off or texting friends on the phone. Then, when called back there is the inevitable, and regrettable, sniveling about one of the rest of us who "never does anything at all."* Classic attempt at misdirection but it doesn't fly anymore with anyone. He also sees no reason why he should do anything around here. That baffles us to the point of total incomprehension. You're living here, eating our food, we're paying the bills and you don't know WHY you should be helping? Is it any wonder that we have all stepped back, raised our hands and said, "You're on your own, kid. If you are so smart and grown up, go for it..."**
I didn't watch the VP debate last night. By the time it came on I was ready for bed, pretty much asleep on my feet. This business of getting up at 4:45 am is wearing me out and messing up schedules.
Waggywaggy has the leaks, again. She is dripping all over the place so, until I can find her doggy diapers, she's banished outside. Currently, she is out there barking. Woof.......woof........woof. She usually settles down and lays in the sun after a while. This doesn't happen all the time and it's impossible to tell when she will do this. She's totally unaware of it, too. Doc said we could try to get a sample to check for bacteria but how the dickens would I do that? I may try giving her a rimadyl just in case it's due to her lame butt. Now, where are those diapers.....
It has warmed up considerably but is still only 55 degrees. That is good for the drivers and guys out harvesting, though, even if the rest of us must wear sweatshirts.
* This is arrant bullshit as every last one of us works our butts off, day after day after day.
** He's wormed his way out of some really nasty situations in the last month using charm and "gawrsh, ma'am, ah jus dint know." That won't last forever, though. The longer the reckoning takes, the worse it will be. That wall is gonna hurt when you hit it. Just don't come to us expecting a bail-out because we won't do it.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
For those of you
who have been following along with the SS saga here...
A consensus has been met. All parties in authority (Himself and I) have decided to step back, raise our hands and tell SS that he is now on his own. We will continue to feed him, provide a roof over his head and make sure he gets school-stuff taken care of and medical care. Other than that? It's his responsibility. We have come to this conclusion for the following reasons:
This may seem harsh but we have no other recourse. The stress of having him listen to you and knowing it is not getting through, or his mind is elsewhere, is too much. Knowing that he doesn't think anyone knows anything except he and his little friends doesn't lead to good interpersonal relations, either.
To top it off, the whole situation has caused tremendous stress between Himself and me. We're coming up on our 14th anniversary the 7th of September and, although we have come through some horribly hard times together, this last year has almost destroyed our relationship. We will not allow that to happen. Speaking earlier, we agreed that we both know, once the kids are grown and gone, it will be just us. We must protect that, even if one or more of the kids has to learn terribly hard lessons. Yes, it sounds selfish but think about it... these guys are not 5 years old. The 2 youngest will be 18 this year and we can't be coddling them. They will need to come up against the fact that the world will chew them up and spit them out and doesn't give a damn. That's all.
One of them is already coming to the conclusion that he has totally wasted the last 3 years of school and now is under the gun. He has been forced to carry a very heavy load of academics. This will require, not just study hall and free time in school, but he will need to bring home and concentrate on economics, ecology, psychology, sociology and so forth. It will be a struggle for him but he must remember that it is up to him. The only person that can bail him out will be himself. His teachers will help, we will help as we can, but it isn't primarily our responsibility. If he doesn't want to go to work at a packing house or work at a big box store and live under a bridge, he needs to get with the program and stay with the program.
This is one of the hardest things we have had to do. In actuality, it is the very hardest. To have to take action which is, to all intents and purposes, like dropping them off a bridge to fly or not...
Parenting sucks sometimes when the only, and best thing, to do is just step back.
Grant us strength, any powers that be, we will need them.
A consensus has been met. All parties in authority (Himself and I) have decided to step back, raise our hands and tell SS that he is now on his own. We will continue to feed him, provide a roof over his head and make sure he gets school-stuff taken care of and medical care. Other than that? It's his responsibility. We have come to this conclusion for the following reasons:
- It has become clear over the last week that SS is not paying any attention to anything. Hence, since he insists he is an adult and can mind his own business, he will.
- Since he has blown every cent of every paycheck this summer, we will not loan him money for That Car. We will not pay to fix it. We will not loan him funds for gas. Nobody here will give him funds for anything. We will not pay insurance. It's his vehicle, he insisted on having it and now it's all his problem.
- He blew off the tasks his teacher gave him to finish before school. Totally and completely blew them off. So, since he didn't think it important enough to check into the Regent's admission standards, testing that would be vital or a cumulative GPA or what classes he would need even if he goes to junior college and believes that the school (or we) should be taking care of all this for him... he's on his own.
- He wants everything both ways. Wants to be let loose to take care of himself but, at the same time, has no idea how to do that and has demonstrated time after time after time that he can't. OK. Since you insist that you are an adult, here's your life. You can't have it both ways so you will have it your way. You have left us no other choice. Live with it.
This may seem harsh but we have no other recourse. The stress of having him listen to you and knowing it is not getting through, or his mind is elsewhere, is too much. Knowing that he doesn't think anyone knows anything except he and his little friends doesn't lead to good interpersonal relations, either.
To top it off, the whole situation has caused tremendous stress between Himself and me. We're coming up on our 14th anniversary the 7th of September and, although we have come through some horribly hard times together, this last year has almost destroyed our relationship. We will not allow that to happen. Speaking earlier, we agreed that we both know, once the kids are grown and gone, it will be just us. We must protect that, even if one or more of the kids has to learn terribly hard lessons. Yes, it sounds selfish but think about it... these guys are not 5 years old. The 2 youngest will be 18 this year and we can't be coddling them. They will need to come up against the fact that the world will chew them up and spit them out and doesn't give a damn. That's all.
One of them is already coming to the conclusion that he has totally wasted the last 3 years of school and now is under the gun. He has been forced to carry a very heavy load of academics. This will require, not just study hall and free time in school, but he will need to bring home and concentrate on economics, ecology, psychology, sociology and so forth. It will be a struggle for him but he must remember that it is up to him. The only person that can bail him out will be himself. His teachers will help, we will help as we can, but it isn't primarily our responsibility. If he doesn't want to go to work at a packing house or work at a big box store and live under a bridge, he needs to get with the program and stay with the program.
This is one of the hardest things we have had to do. In actuality, it is the very hardest. To have to take action which is, to all intents and purposes, like dropping them off a bridge to fly or not...
Parenting sucks sometimes when the only, and best thing, to do is just step back.
Grant us strength, any powers that be, we will need them.
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