I am not

a cranky bitch, mean-spirited or anything like that.

There are just certain things that I can't get my head around. And I've been trying.

The first thing:
Why would someone turn themselves "inside out" to accommodate an ex who has spent the last 14+ years trying to convince everyone (including a kid) that you're an absolute asshole. Prior to that, the aforementioned ex lied, stole, cheated and pretty much behaved like a white trash ho for 7 years. I just don't understand that. Maybe I'm a bad person. Maybe it shouldn't matter to me, except for the fact the accommodating that ex has caused all kinds of upheavals for everyone here and continues to do so.

The second thing:
After someone has gone well out of their way to try to destroy a relationship, cause damage to a person's reputation, insult family members and pull various monkey-tricks, who on god's green earth would even consider it possible that they would be welcome in my home, around my children or near my friends? I don't care if it is a family member, they're creepy. They're liars. They're dishonest. Sure, they've "changed." My ass, they've changed. Fine, want to reestablish a relationship that you weren't responsible for ruining? Go do it at someone else's home. Not mine. I am not asking that you shut the door, not in the least, just keep that person out of my sight. I can guarantee there has been absolutely no change whatsoever in their attitude toward me and mine. That will not change no matter how badly you would like to think it will. Don't open me up to the kind of malice living in the dark places of that twisted soul. Don't insist on me being "nice." Don't think my kids are any happier about having the creature around than I am. After the trouble and pain caused by choices made conciously, there is absolutely no way we will ever welcome the 99 99/100% certainty that, given the opportunity, the same shit will happen. I only know two people who have caused more trouble, hurt and anguish and one of them is my family member. She isn't welcome here because I know how you feel about her. Why should you disregard my feelings when it's your family member? I don't know whether that's hypocrisy, muleheadedness or just a total and absolute disregard for me. I hope it isn't the latter.

The third thing:
Why are there two totally disparate sets of expectations around here? Three of us have certain expectations as far as behavior and habits goes. Why do numbers four and five have different rules?
No food downstairs. Unless it's #4, then it seems to be fine.
Keep your clothing put away and your laundry done. Unless it's #4 and then it's fine to toss the stuff around and leave bedding on until it can walk to the washer by itself.
No soda pop downstairs. Unless, once again, it's #4.
Responsibilities must be finished before going off socializing or chatting on the phone. Guess what? #4 is exempt.
Adults must know where kids are going and when they will be back. Ha.
No lying, never ever. Yeah, sure...
What is the deal with this? We resent it and it makes us feel like we're second class citizens. It's really gotten under my skin, too. It's like a constant itch that I can't get to. Since the brouhaha in reference to the first thing I don't get, my resentment has gotten to the point that I am just about to blow up. That isn't a good thing. How about just listening to me for a change without getting all huffy and snotty? I don't dislike #4 so accusing me of that is sheer lunacy and you know it. I merely want to understand.

The fourth thing:
I am damned near 53 years old and I don't need permission to leave the house. Treating me like a slightly retarded 4 year old just infuriates me. I'm just fine telling you where I am going and try to give some idea of when I will be back. If I'm not back when you think I should be, don't call me and yell at me! I'll just hang up because I will not listen to such bullshit and feel no obligation to do so.

I get restless and don't sleep well when I am as unhappy with things as I am right now. If you really want to know what's bothering me, I'll tell you. If you don't care, fine, in that case I have no obligation or responsibility to you. Absolutely none whatsoever. I know that you are upset right now because John has died but you know what? I'm still here. We're all still here. It's high time you started thinking about what you have instead of what you have lost.